As I was spiraling through my patterning, I had the opportunity to get a good look at a wonderful pattern. The pattern that keeps me in the “right” to complain, blame others for my experience, and feel victimized by circumstances and people. There I thought I had worked through that, but it appeared that there was another level of intensity that I could become clear about. Sure, I know I’m the creator of my own reality – I take full responsibility, except when I complain, or judge, or fall into these states where I feel sorry for my (perceived) bad luck and so on. Only then, I’m rather not the creator of my own reality… In those moments, I disavow my creator status. By doing that, I basically am very mean to myself. With my resistance to accepting that it is my creation, I say in energetic “words” – “I did not do that – therefore, I’m not a creator”. Strangely enough, when I last revisited this subject, it felt like I was facing a really tough decision – one that asks me to give up complaining and blaming others (more and more) and one that asks me to step into the identity as being a responsible creator. It was the moment in which I realized, that once I fully embrace this, I will no longer pretend I am something that I am not. Authenticity had just gotten more real than ever before. My perception has since shifted from seeing my experience as something I am looking at, to something I actually caused to appear. The impact of taking full responsibility for this is sobering to say the least. I am happy to be in this place, for the path that lead me here was my unique creation as well, and I am fully responsible for every bit in my reality.
Imagine life as one immensely large image made of countless puzzle pieces. Imagine further, that this image is forever changing and is in a state of perpetual motion. The puzzle pieces keep morphing, moving, adjusting in rhythm with this image. Life – the image/experience would not be complete(able) without all the puzzle pieces.
Have you ever worked on a 2D jigsaw puzzle and found that after all the pieces had been joined into the image, there was one or a few missing? That never feels good. Have you ever tried to put a piece into a place where it looked like it ought to fit, but then it just would not? Have you ever paused to appreciate that we humans in this life are part of a much larger puzzle and each piece is uniquely suited to fit into the bigger picture? That is how I view life. Each piece of the puzzle is unique, individual and essential. Yes, some look like they are the same, but in essence they won’t fit into the spot you thought they should. Some others look like they should just not be there, they look ugly or unsuited perhaps. However, each one is immensely important to the whole, for without it, the image would have gaps. No two pieces are exactly the same. No two pieces are meant to be the same. That is the state of diversity and at the same time oneness – and yes, it does look chaotic at times (or most of the time).
Each piece can be appreciated for what it is and at least conceptually be accepted as fitting into the bigger picture in a most unique and beautiful way. I find that it is time to let go of the idea that we must be like everyone else – when in reality, no two puzzle pieces are exactly the same. It’s just not how puzzles work.
By paying attention to your emotional state and seeking methods and ways to think of something that makes you feel happy and by doing so taking focus away from the energetic grids and constructs that pertain to your personal human belief system, you invite vibrational alignment with your source.
The experience of life on Earth then shifts from a sense of it happening to you while you are powerless and immersed within it, to understanding, that it is a mere reflection of who you are. In fact, it already is that – a reflection of who you are, of your thoughts and beliefs and emotions. The so-called negative emotions just signal that what you experience and see is the reflection of the beliefs you hold and the positive emotions signal that you are experiencing and seeing a reflection of your own source.
The choice what you wish to experience and see is always yours. To me it takes the form of a joyride, a prospect filled with exhilarating joy to align and see and experience the source through my human eyes and body, reflected back at me through my earthly experiences.
(Original post: http://www.quantumperceptions.blogspot.com Dec, 2012)
The most important primary relationship is that with your source; from that, everything else flows.
It’s easy to pop out a statement like this. It may ring true to you, but still, what does it really mean; and most of all, how does one get there?
So many posts on my blog have spoken of alignment. Alignment with source. That is the relationship with source. Alignment with source means first of all to accept that there is a greater non-physical part of who you are in human form. It seems silly and simple to some, but it is a first step. Even if I believe this already, it is helpful to emphasize this thought. Some call source God, some call source Higher Self, others still call source Oneness, or Consciousness. I am sure there are many other names you could either come up with or read somewhere. It matters not. You can call source by any name that is pleasing to you and it may help to just have a name that resonates with you to make this relationship more practical. How about “Fred”? “Lou”? “Hailey”? “Abby”?.. you pick! What really matters is to remember that essential feeling of connectedness that comes along with remembering that we are more than our human form. It is as if the world expanded. It is as if you mattered more than you thought you could. (and that point is certainly true).
To practice this allowing of being greater than our human form, our mind, our emotions, our physical abilities etc, means to open the door for this non-physical part of ours to enter the playing field of humanity. Usually, once that door has been cracked open even a little bit, the feeling of relief is huge, since it takes a lot of energetic power to keep that particular door closed. You can call this moment “awakening”, but that presupposes you were asleep before. I call it “remembering”, which means you simply forgot and that is the design on Earth. The veil of forgetfulness is this “thing”, this energetic patterning that keeps most humans in the illusion of separation from their non-physical part. If you recognize that you once knew, but keep forgetting, don’t fret, this forgetting part is not your (wrong)doing. It just means that your interactions with the veil of forgetfulness are pronounced. For some, this veil is necessary for the perfect unfolding of their experience of limitation, for in non-physical we are unlimited. For others, this veil just seems to be a nuisance, a bother. Usually, it is those who have already remembered a bit of who they are and want to pursue the path of discovering ever greater awareness. For them, this veil of forgetfulness can be perceived as a hinderance.
As with any resistance, take heart and accept that the “obstacle” is there. Accept and allow, for it is there anyway. Then intend and put the focus on your desire to have the veil lift gently and in increments that are in perfect harmony with the path you are on. Then go back to the nurturing of your primary relationship by consciously reaching out to your source every day at least once. Observe the changes in your life’s experiences. They may be subtle, but they are there. Every day there are changes. Look upon the changes if you desire change and you will experience more change than you can ever hope for.
The most important primary relationship is that with your source; from that, everything else flows.
For the past 4 weeks, I’ve taken an intense journey through the web of patterning that I call my personal beliefs. I have explored so many of these beliefs before on my journey, yet came across some deep seated structures that I had no idea existed in my web. The decision to embark on this journey came from a desire to explore the theme of worthiness. Unconditional worthiness that is. I had traveled from the depths of feeling utterly unworthy in my youth to find success in personal achievements that brought me into a sense of self-love, self-acceptance and even worthiness before my own eyes. I fooled myself successfully into believing that this was in full alignment with my source. Little did I know that I had a lot further to go on this topic. All my sense of worthiness (so I came to understand along with eating personal humble pie along the way) had been based on conditions. The amount of conditions I had in place had me stunned over and over again, until I was able to begin to apply humor to this journey that lead me into the depths of cleverly masked unworthiness.
The first couple of weeks were difficult to navigate. It seemed to me that the more I gazed upon situations, patterns, memories etc, where the theme of worthiness played a part, the more would pop up. I gradually gained the awareness that literally every ounce of sense of self-worth I encountered had to do with some sort of achievement, behavior, or other condition that went beforehand. It literally felt like I was trapped in a maze where I would bang my head at some walls at every thought/turn. Alignment was not to be had. Instead, I experienced a sense of sadness and what felt like a sea of grief that threatened to engulf me. My best guess is that these feelings were the emotional response of the past 5 decades that I had successfully circumnavigated or silenced by applying myself to seek successes in order to feel worthy of living my life. With ingenious cleverness, I had directed such achievements away from the standard achievements of career and such, to give the impression that I wasn’t buying into mainstream patterning, but in this past month I came to realize that it matters very little in which area of interest one strives for success and achievements in order to accomplish the feat of feeling worthy. It’s all the same. Any area of interest that I felt a good sense of self-worth in turned out to be just littered with the covered up patterns of unworthiness. It ran very deep into existential depths.
I realized in my process that this sense of unworthiness is at the core of the human conditioning and activates immediately as we are born into our physical form. It’s a core pattern of humanity and to change this core belief took some conscious pattern pivoting on my behalf and I believe it will be an ongoing project for quite some time still, as mass consciousness is buying heavily into having to prove oneself first before a sense of worthiness can be … what? – achieved?! … In this very sentence, you can see the crux of this topic. I encountered the difficulty of “achieving the change of this belief structure in order to become worthy” over and over again and decided to relax every time I found myself to be “working” on changing the belief from unworthy to worthy. This drive to reach for something, to achieve something runs very deep in human thought, and since I am human like everyone else, it is no different for me.
The journey through the maze of patterns attached to the theme of worthiness brought me to this understanding: I am worthy regardless of any condition. The unconditionality of worthiness is the central factor that I was able to identify. The moment a condition arises in my thoughts, I know I’m buying into the unworthiness pattern, be it ever so briefly. When I pay attention and recognize that moment, I take the opportunity and affirm that I was worthy before the condition and stay worthy – period. It gets very simple after the first rush of the many beliefs that are part of the (un)worthiness web. A belief is a thought I keep thinking. Without pushing against conditional worthiness (=unworthiness covered up to make it acceptable), I have resorted to repeat words like “I am worthy regardless” or simply “I am still worthy” – “I will always be worthy” … At first these words sounded a bit phoney – almost like small little lies. Over time, once the intense 2 week period of grief and sadness had given way to better feelings again, these little reassurances had grown to be more powerful and today, I feel they have grown beautiful roots in my belief system. They have anchored in on many themes of my life and my life experiences have changed along with this fundamental change in my belief system.
I do feel mass consciousness’ pull at times still, where it feels like I am swimming against a mighty current, but I realize that those are the moments I am actually trying to fight against that current. Only by allowing that current to be unchanged, even though my personal current has changed fundamentally, do I feel alignment. I am worthy whether mass consciousness holds the belief of having to prove itself or not. I am being careful to not pronounce any success, achievement, or mastery at this point. I realize that the theme of worthiness is an all-encompassing core theme that touches every human being and I simply appreciate that I am free to share my perceptions in these explorations into worthiness, knowing full well that everything is always perfect and nothing is ever done.
At any new encounter, meet your family, your friends, your acquaintances without a preconceived idea. Meet them without prejudice. Meet them with an open mind and an open heart as you would meet someone you have never met before and you may be surprised to observe how different they can (and often want to) be if you offer no current as to who they were before.
Our fantastic human brains respond very easily to the mass consciousness belief of “fighting against that which is bad”. Humanity has with loads of practice reached a place long ago, where that fighter spirit is the default and it responds to everything from the most insignificant subject to those subjects that impact nations and the earth itself. On my journey, I’ve spiraled into the experiential understanding that resistance is equal to focus (in intensity and duration). It is not only futile to resist, it’s actually counterproductive. While in the resistant state, we will never experience that which we want to experience in the amazing details we have conjured up due to the contrast we have experienced. In a state of resistance, that which has given rise to identify the preference is still being focused upon and the new cannot be experienced, as we are no vibrational match to it yet. Every process, every work plan we may have to edge away from resisting, for who wants to focus on the unwanted voluntarily, means only one thing – we have declared resistance to be the unwanted thing and are resisting it with that same fighter spirit that is humanity’s default still. It’s a double whammy at that point and it will always feel bad to be in such a state of double resistance.
Allowing resistance to be a part of our lives’ experiences takes practice. It takes letting go. It takes allowing the “negative” emotions to be there, it takes releasing any and all pushing against feeling bad. It takes embracing the emotion as a natural reminder that there is greater well being in store and more ease still to be had. The reminder, that for now, in that negative emotion, you’re just as healthy as you are in full bliss and vibrational alignment with your source point. It is natural to resist while physically focused. It is normal to feel bad because of the resistance and it is ultimately easy to allow the natural unfolding of that process without resisting resistance so much. The following words have helped me reach levels of allowing that are greater than those I allowed before:
“There is no place to get to, there is nothing to do. I am here, now, in the state I am in anyway and since that is where I am at, I trust it to be perfect for me. I allow it to be just as it is. I pay attention to the experience and deem it right and good. I put my boat into the stream of my own creation and float towards that which source has in store for me with ease and quiet curiosity.”
It is a calm state this state of allowing resistance to be what it is. In this calm, resistance dissolves all on its own. As my focus on it lessens, I experience more of my natural state of being, since source always allows everything unconditionally. Alignment is the inevitable consequence.
Not many are able to buck a current, nobody is really supposed to buck a current. All people you interact with are cooperative components in your reality behaving the way your current dictates – the type of current you are offering can be witnessed in your life experiences… if you don’t like it, just change the current by choosing that which you actually prefer … make that choice over and over again until it becomes a new belief, a new current; until it can be seen played out in different life experiences.