The Blessing of Accepting Responsibility

As I was spiraling through my patterning, I had the opportunity to get a good look at a wonderful pattern. The pattern that keeps me in the “right” to complain, blame others for my experience, and feel victimized by circumstances and people. There I thought I had worked through that, but it appeared that there was another level of intensity that I could become clear about. Sure, I know I’m the creator of my own reality – I take full responsibility, except when I complain, or judge, or fall into these states where I feel sorry for my (perceived) bad luck and so on. Only then, I’m rather not the creator of my own reality… In those moments, I disavow my creator status. By doing that, I basically am very mean to myself. With my resistance to accepting that it is my creation, I say in energetic “words” – “I did not do that – therefore, I’m not a creator”. Strangely enough, when I last revisited this subject, it felt like I was facing a really tough decision – one that asks me to give up complaining and blaming others (more and more) and one that asks me to step into the identity as being a responsible creator. It was the moment in which I realized, that once I fully embrace this, I will no longer pretend I am something that I am not. Authenticity had just gotten more real than ever before. My perception has since shifted from seeing my experience as something I am looking at, to something I actually caused to appear. The impact of taking full responsibility for this is sobering to say the least. I am happy to be in this place, for the path that lead me here was my unique creation as well, and I am fully responsible for every bit in my reality.


Life After Awakening

These days, I notice that more and more people speak of waking up to their true nature as conscious creator beings. As with everything, there are so many paths that can lead to such an awakening. They are all glorious in their own right and certainly fit an individual’s belief system perfectly, or it would not have yielded the wonderful result of awakening. I found that becoming more and more aware is a gradual process however. Sometimes, the human mind thinks to suggest that since you’ve woken up to who you really are (once or twice), everything must now be fine and dandy and “done”. In my belief system, this does not hold quite true for me. Instead, I found that everything became a point of departure, a point from which I was lead to where I am today. I understand that every moment offers a plethora of choices that I not only can make consciously, but actually am repeatedly called to make consciously. If I choose (unconsciously/automatically) by default, it is most often the mainstream, mass consciousness way of thinking that dictates these choices.

Before any strand in my own belief system is set to a new default, I am called to choose consciously, over and over again, things that I prefer, things that make me feel good and make choices that feel “on” to me. If I choose to let things slip and dwell again in the illusions of mass consciousness belief systems, I will easily get drawn into that old default. This happens until my new personal defaults are practiced enough so that they anchor in, which is a distinct feeling for me. After that happens, I can become a bit less vigilant around the new default setting. This is nothing other than “a belief is a thought you keep thinking” (until it becomes so practiced that you believe it).

Waking up to become a fully conscious, aware traveler on your path is not a one time shot. In my experience, it takes a lot of repetition and a keen desire to stay awake and not go back to hide behind the veil of forgetfulness, which alas is also a very strong belief of mass consciousness that has the power to pull you again into the state of unconscious slumber. The good part is however, if you have awakened once, the path is easier to find and the process of oscillating between awake and falling into the more practiced, unconscious, automatic way of life is the very vehicle, that will firm up your path to consciousness. At first, it’s just a few footsteps in the grassy field of the undiscovered territory. Over time, it will widen to a single file footpath, then as you travel this path over and over, it will become a comfortable, known little road for you to follow into conscious living. With practice, the sometimes overwhelming pull from mass consciousness belief will lessen and the time spent in conscious living will be greater than the time you spend revisiting the old paradigm until the new pattern of waking becomes the default for you and will be anchored into your personal belief system.


Working Hard

To this day, humanity holds on to the belief held by mass consciousness that promotes good work ethics. The belief holds steadfast, that only through hard work, there will be success. This belief permeates everything, even spiritual development. How often have you heard someone say: “I’m working hard on my alignment” – “if I work a bit harder at meditating, I’ll get there”…the list is endless.

The belief that there is hard work involved before we get to see results is the very thing that is experienced. In that belief structure, it is clear that only through hard work, the experience of the desired result is available. Unless you work hard, you won’t be as successful as those who do work hard, so the belief continues, and tosses out the bait of competition for those who wish to take it.

What I see when I hear the words “hard work” (yes, even when they creep into my own vocabulary from time to time) is this: We ARE the universal forces that we believe are outside of us to deliver us the realities that we experience. We all are part of that universal energy that shapes itself into everything we choose to believe. If we believe in the myth of hard work, there we have it – without hard work, no success. If we believe however in the omnipotent nature of pure positive energy, which is exactly that which we are at our core, then the idea of working hard becomes rather ridiculous (to me anyway). Really? the universe, this omnipotent force that has also been entitled “God” has to work hard ? – I don’t believe this for once second. What I do believe and with that pitch my human nature against the current of mass consciousness,is this: we are here to play, to frolic, to enjoy and to create. It’s play people! It’s nowhere near hard work, unless we decide to explore that old belief structure some more (and to do that is absolutely allowed).

Personally, I pick play over work any old day – passionate play that is. Aligned play and inspired action. With that attitude and belief, I accomplish so much more, than when I dip a toe back into the currents of old that sometimes pipe up and say: what ? you haven’t worked yet today? – When that happens, I laugh and recognize the “should” in my inner dialogue and wait until that moment passes until I find alignment, joy, and my playful nature again which is always just waiting to explore, do, accomplish, create, and enjoy – every day anew.

My Will vs. Thy Will

The dichotomy of physical vs. non-physical still holds a firm grip on many a human’s perception. The desire may arise to flow more of source energy through the physical manifestation, but there is that wonderful ego that signals concern about losing the freedom to choose and the freedom to one’s own will. (Let’s call that “My Will”).  This is in stark opposition to “Thy Will”, the will of source, the god-force, or non-physical. In the polarity based perception one cannot exist when the other is active. In the higher frequencies, this perception shifts however to the understanding that both these seemingly separated types of will or desire points can and do peacefully co-exist if we let them. We cannot hope to flow a greater amount of source energy through our physical body for as long as a belief is present that there is something to give up (like “My Will”.) Truth is, we don’t have to give up a thing. But we can open ourselves up to gaining a whole lot more, not just in vibration or energy, but also expanded perception of that which we experience on a daily basis. The expansion of consciousness will lead at some point to this crossroads where seemingly a decision for physicality or then for non-physicality ought to be made.

When this point of development shows  up, many are experiencing a difficulty to decide. There is but one reason for this indecision. You are not meant to decide in an either/or kind of way. The decision is not to choose “Thy will” over “My will” – the decision is to align “My will” to “Thy will” and to know that all desires, be they born from the non-physical point of view or also from the physical point of view can and will be fulfilled, and can also be experienced in the physical form, if we line up with the energy of it. A decision between non-physical or physical would in essence mean to decide for one part of who you are and against another. That must feel off, as it is utter misalignment and cannot even be done. Sure, you can deny a part of yourself for the experience of that denial, but in the end, you will come to learn that separation is the great illusion and that the experience of it through this denial was a fun ride at best, but can never be universal truth.

If you desire to reach higher vibrational frequencies, I am pretty sure that this dichotomy will have to find some resolving before you can march on, on your own path to ascension and alignment with your source point. The joy that comes from dissolving the barriers of separation between you and you will let you know that you have found a greater degree of alignment still. Only one thing remains with unshakeable certainty: Source loves you beyond measure, regardless of where you step next – unconditionally!


A Perception of Source

There are a few schools of thought when it comes to source. Oneness is one of them. Source being the totality of all that is. That is my personal understanding of source, but it is a bit more elaborate than that. The human mind (including mine of course) has a hard time really grasping what source, or All-that-is, really means. The magnitude of what source entails is just too much for a human brain to process linearly. Source is not at all linear, that much is clear to me.

To comprehend source while in physical form may be an exercise in futility. It may also not serve anyone to know more than what is needed, namely, that all is one. There are other philosophies that speak of heavenly hierarchies. A very linear system of young souls, developing souls, old souls, volunteer souls etc, the angelic realms, and finally (on a throne?) the One… I have seen why such a linear hierarchy has come to be a philosophy here on Earth. What about soul missions? What about Earth experience being a school for souls (a hard one at that?) – If you consider expansion and evolution to be learning, then yes of course, every soul is learning, for no soul will ever stagnate, whether it has focused some energy in a physical body or not is beside the point. So, how do we come to have two seemingly differing thoughts about what source is, or who we are when we re-emerge into the undending sea of consciousness I call source? – Is source equal to oneness, or is source neatly and hierarchically divided into sections or levels? The experience I have with source energy tells me that it is both – sort of anyway.

Oneness is something that can easily be experienced while vibrationally aligned with source energy. There are also differing levels (for lack of a better word). These levels are not strictly hierarchic however, they are governed by vibration and there is a law of grace in place. This law does not cause a vibration that is unlike another (within source itself) to meet and interact in a conscious manner. The term “Law of Grace” is inspired. I picked it up years ago, when I learned to navigate with my consciousness alone within source energy. This law will not “allow” a lower vibration to “look upon” a very high vibration, as it would be very uncomfortable for that source point (a specific frequency point within source) to do so if it could happen, which it cannot, as like attracts like in all of what source is.There is the act of grace involved that brings an automatic “protection” to the one source point  that vibrates at a lower rate than another source point. It is however possible, if a highly vibrating source point desires to do so, to lower its vibration to visit and interact with a lower vibrating source point, as the lower vibration is essentially contained within the higher one.

Incarnated on Earth and elsewhere, we frolic, despite not really knowing our specific source point’s frequency, but we always feel wonderful when we line up with it, regardless whether that source point is of a high vibration, having expanded around itself for a long time (metaphorically speaking) or whether it is what is sometimes termed a “young soul”, or in my words, a source point of lower vibration, which has not (yet) expanded as much. The joy when any one of us lines up with source is always the same, as the emotional guidance is the same for everyone, no matter where your personal source point’s frequency is. It also does not matter, whether it is a high vibration, or a lower vibration, as there is absolutely no judgment within source. Any judgment would be comparable to say an ear judging a toe – that simply does not happen. It also serves no purpose whatsoever, other than to satisfy perhaps curiosity, to know that there are indeed different source points of different vibrational frequency and that these source points are nothing other than different specific points of perception through which the totality of source experiences itself. It is perhaps enough to know that by way of vibrational frequency that attracts that which is like itself, we are gathering around us source points of similar and harmonious vibration to form soul groups or soul families. That is how I can say that not everyone has the same source point, but all are one.

Beware that any attempt to attribute any kind of value, importance, or hierarchy to this explanation is only the human attempt to put a non-linear sea of consciousness into linear and logical comprehension, which it cannot really do. The source point that is at the lowest possible vibration is as valuable as the one at the highest possible vibration and all source points are free to expand as they desire and become more. It is easy to fathom that in such a way, anything goes, anything is allowed, and anything can be experienced whenever the desire arises to do so. It is how creation works. It is always perfect how it is, and it is neverending.


The Art of Giving … and Receiving

It is so easy to make oneself feel good. The act of giving, also called generosity, will easily propel one into an experience of joy. It doesn’t have to be a material thing that we are giving, but just to know that we’ve made an impact on someone else with that gift  makes us happy. Furthermore, if that gift is accepted and taken with gratitude, we feel something else, we feel accepted ourselves. If a gift we intend to give is not accepted, then the first impression is one of being rejected (in most cases). In this dance of giving and receiving, we can see that both ends are equally important for a “successful” transaction.

This applies not only for material gifts, it applies for emotional gifts and of course as well for the mental gifts of new ideas and the spiritual gifts our Higher Selves, the Creator, the angelic kingdom and all helpers have in store for us. There are countless gifts out there, I visualize the crystal grid hanging full of them, for each individual who cares to ask for help, their special and individual gift will activate and ease the way no matter where the ailment lies. What is most important in my view, is that if you do take advantage of that offer that is available for all of mankind, it is but a matter of courtesy to have an open heart and fully accept that gift. Receiving it is equally a conscious choice as is asking for the gift. The quality of receiving this gift will bring not only the gift, but also the quality of accepting the energy of the gift giver into your energetic frequency. Be this the energies of your Higher Self, the One, the Angels, the Archangels or your personal helpers, it will create a deeper understanding of oneness, of unity within yourself, being connected thus with all that is in a very deep and meaningful, conscious manner.

(Original post: January 25, 2011)


Nothing is Ever Lost

Time is ripe for sharing my experience of reality threads, also called “parallel realities”, although I do not perceive them to be parallel at all. There are an infinite number of realities altogether and each source point (the term “source point” means to describe a specific frequency point within the totality of source energy) creates new reality threads with every single decision, thought, desire. What we attract and experience as human beings in what we call “reality” depends entirely on what we focus on. Most people focus on that which they are observing around them and therefore the reality they experience looks very smooth and linear, giving the illusion of a continuum out of which there is no “escape”.

For a number of years now, I have had experiences that are somewhat different and at first, they were very difficult to identify and navigate through. These experiences consisted of what for me looked like almost abrupt changes in conversation topics, behaviors of those around me and myself, all within the framework of what I was used to, i.e. my home, my family, the same people, the same location and so on. At first, these shifts in reality threads were random, they appeared to happen “to me” and I had no idea on how to navigate within them or how to shift back to the one I had been in at the start of the conversation, nor how to find my way into a new thread. What I did notice was that true to my human nature, the first instinctive reaction was to push it all aside, not take responsibility for it, and deny the existence of these many threads and with that negate my shifting from one to the other. Then came the phase where I did take responsibility for them, but used them a bit as an excuse for my own behaviors, still feeling a bit at their mercy. After a few years of such roller coaster experiences, things calmed down for me and today, I understand that wherever I place my focus and intentions, that’s the thread I attract into my immediate physical experience.

Reality threads don’t happen to us. As beings with creator status, we are the creators of them. Each decision, major or minor looks to me like a fork in the ongoing reality thread. That does not imply that the other thread isn’t experienced. We are multidimensional beings of pure positive energy and have far more power than we can fathom. Just like anyone else, I have made many decisions and have been at the receiving end of decisions made by others that involved me as well. To this day I continue to still get impressions and understanding from the “other” reality thread that seemingly stops to exist once the decision has been made to move into a different direction.

Once, someone told me that I had evidently trouble with “closure” and I wholeheartedly agree. I do have trouble with closure, as I have trouble buying into the finality of anything. I understand too well that all of this creation is ongoing and nothing ever really demands closure, even if sometimes, I still have moments when I wish for my perceptions to be a bit less “leaky”.

Perceiving more than one reality thread at any given time can be very confusing, but I dare say, it happens every day to all of us, whether we are consciously aware of it or not. In physical, there are experiences that can be very scary, such as near misses in traffic. Quite often, I observe cars coming seemingly out of nowhere, materializing before my eyes in an instant, when they weren’t there before or the other way around in perfect “now you see me, now you don’t”- style. At first I thought to pay better attention to the road and the cars, but soon enough, after paying really good attention to traffic, I kept experiencing more and more of such near misses. All I can do today is fully trust the forces that be to keep me safe throughout my travels, and they do.

Other experiences consist of shifting reality mid-sentence in a conversation, which results in communication that suddenly takes on a very weird twist and doesn’t make sense anymore. Again, at first, I doubted my concentration, language ability even, but I can’t possibly claim any longer that German is my mother tongue and that my English isn’t as good as that of the native speakers. More extended experiences of parallel realities consist of alternate scenarios of my life in the reality thread that had forked at the decision point. Those experiences are comforting and unsettling at the same time.

I had for example made the big decision to move away from Switzerland to the US nearly 20 years ago and sometimes wondered what my life would have been like had I stayed in Europe. In the very broad sense of “ask and it is given”, I became aware of what it had been like for my alternate self in the alternate reality, for whenever we make such major decisions, the “other choice” is also being experienced by source and keeps on existing and unfolding. Again, we are multidimensional beings and to me that is an experienced fact.

The soothing part in this is that no decision will ever snuff out that which we have decided against and therefore I can wholeheartedly say “nothing is ever lost” and know that it is really so.


Where you find yourself at on your journey at any given moment in time is precisely where you need to be. It is the perfect place from which to take the next step … and the next… 

Me, My Brother, My Sister

By Hailey Berry

For Nathan

My sister can swim laps and learn drills.
My brother does hip-hop and various sports.
They’ve both been in plays.
I am content but,
What am I missing?
Don’t be mad when I’m not a team player.
I do best in the spotlight, a star actor.

My sister can drive and create essays.
My brother makes posters for his class.
They both use cursive.
I am content but,
When can I do these things?
Don’t be mad when I refuse to sign or type.
Hand cramps are inconvenient when I need them so.

When angry, my sister writes, my brother takes deep breathes.
They’ve both yelled (often at each other) before.
I am content but,
How should I express anger?
Don’t be mad when I pull film out or tear my books.
I can’t journal; I won’t pretend I’m not angry.
I can’t even yell how I feel at you!

Don’t be mad when I don’t sit still for pictures,
or don’t give you a hug,
or become loud during a movie.
I hate the flash; I may not like your perfume; I thought you like this scene, too.

My sister goes to college, but I’ll never have a class with her.
My brother builds grand things with Legos, but I don’t have the patience.
Then again, I am not my brother or my sister.
Treat me ( and accept me) as a person, like you would anyone else.
I am mentally retarded, I have autism, but I am still human.